Where did it go?

One month ago, I more or less walked away from the principles I had been raised with regarding my own faith,  fairness, honor, and nobility. In a moment of ire, I let my temper lead where my better judgement should have gone first, and in doing so, I robbed Charles the Grey of any reasonable opportunity he might have to defend himself from my accusations.

I owe Centurion Charles the grey an apology for my conduct here.

While I stand by the facts stated, airing them here was counter to any good sense, and any productive means. There are ways of accomplishing my goals, this should never have been one of them.

Frankly, it was just selfish, and stupid of me to press forward with it.

In closing, I ask that for those of you who followed the narrative, take to heart its greatest lesson, and that is that vengeance allows for no winners when is it employed.

Lord Ivo Blackhawk
Kingdom of Ansteorra
"God save the King!"

Going forward... I am going to actually have fun.

Today could have been better.Yesterday could have been a lot better. This week...
Oh, lets just say it, right now I'm just god damned furious.

I'm mad at my friends, I'm mad at my enemies. I'm mad at people I haven't spoken to in years, and I'm mad at people I have to speak to every day. I'm sick and tired of watching my world turn itself upside down, with each and ever step of the process feeling like I am walking uphill against an rock-slide.

I watched as someone who should never have been able to affect me at all managed to largely dislodge, and then hobble me from a job I love.

I went from having a working car to $400.00 more in repairs that won't finish before tomorrow afternoon.
My technical supervisor at work (one of 4 support staff I work under) is not only passive aggressive.... but he's bad at it, and with a short fuse.

My house has seen better days.

And....

And then I come home from work, after forgetting my phone, after getting off work almost an hour late, and curiously enough I find this on my IM waiting for me.

"Hey. I'm going to begin my first paper over the 1066 invasion of England soon and I'm looking for sources. I'm supposed to compare and contrast the English and the Norman accounts of the event. Any suggestions on finding sources?"
Without even thinking I grabbed my laptop and punched in "look for 'the Anglo-Saxon chronicles', and look for a writer names William of Potiers, he was the Chaplin to William the Bastard."

Someone needed something, and just like that, I was able to help, or at least offer something to him.

I don't know why, exactly, but for some reason that academic question pulled me out of my ugly state long enough to see what needed to be done.

So, going forward.

As to my car... Old friend, you've given me 55,000 miles in two years, you've earned a rest. enjoy your time on the mounds and off your wheels.

As to my technical dispatcher... You can either loose the attitude, or hang onto it, I don't care. But I'm definitively not going to let your attitude follow me home again, that was just stupid on my part.

To ... oh hell, lets just name him... Charles...  guess what, I'll deal with you some other time when I'm level headed, calm, and don't have an event staring me in the face.

And to a few others out there...

Jon... Look forward to seeing you out there, you're  a good man, with a good heart, and I have come to cherish your commentary.

Derega... I think its time I pull my head out of my ass and start actually focusing on what I CAN do this weekend. I've been so busy fuming about the site heralding debacle that I was giving my promise to you lip service, and little more. Be ready for a show... because I plan on crying the shoot for you, and giving it all I have!

Zach... Good luck on your paper, and feel free to look me up anytime you want. 1066 is a benchmark year for English history, and I have read up on it a lot. Enjoy.

Oh, and Talbot.... I want a photo of you crossing the finish line of that 5K on Saturday, I don't care if they have to carry you across, I want a photo!

This weekend is OUR event dammit! I've been going to Triumph since the first, and Guardian before that since I first joined. Nothing sort of a natural disaster should be able to get between me and the fun that that event contains, and I'm not going to let anything start now! I'm ready to work my ass off, I'm ready to sweat off ten pounds, I ready to work until I hurt, and then pull myself up by my bootstraps and do it all again.

And I was a idiot for every forgetting that in the first place!

Two things.

Firstly, you will note that I no longer sign my name as that of a protege. Master Robert has been compelled out of the society my means outside of his control. He and I spoke on the issue in some detail, and based on what we set out to do when I accepted the protege's belt from him, we both agreed that there was no benefit to e gained by continuing that relationship. We ares till good friends, and are welcomed as family in each other's homes, and I look forward to the day when he might return. But the path of pelican is not mine any more.

Secondly, as some of you know, and many more probably don't, I have long been held to a "ignore them, and they will go away" policy with regards to some of my local antagonists. That philosophy has proven effective only at enabling the most dogged of my detractors, and after ten years of (at times compulsory) adherence to it, I have finally decided that strategy is counterproductive.

I don't intend to openly vent here at every minor disagreement I run across in the SCA. And as much as we may scoff at the modern meaning of the word "politics", level headed prudence is needed when making statements to large audiences like the one I have here.

Still, I'm hoping that a few people in particular get wind from this post that their names are no longer off-limits. Things said, things done, things that until now were burred by force of will from people who didn't want to "rock the boat",  are now eligible to join a written historical record for the scrutiny of any and all who choose to look.

Those who know me know, know I will work towards an honorable ends with this philosophy.

Those who don't, time will show better than my words can.


And to those who think they know me, but really don't...

you know who you are...

and there aren't many of you...

Tread lightly.



Lord Ivo Blackhawk
Kingdom of Ansteorra
"God save the King!"