Why I Work.

I had a rather profound moment today at the dojo.

My instructor was talking about how much he enjoys watching people learn as he teaches them. Its easy to look forward and see how far you still have to go (in fact, for some of us BJJ white belts, its crushing), but its just as easy to forget to look back and see how far you have come. Having that outside perspective and sharing it with students is a powerful tool,. and can be a great motivator.

One of the things that I appreciate about my Brazilian Jujitsu class is that as competitive as my instructor, John Paul Taylor is, he really, truly, honestly gets a kick out of when one of us latch onto a technique all of a sudden he's on the receiving end of some bone-popping, neck-twisting hold or grip.

I have to say, after putting on armor in the SCA for 7 years, I never really got that. Sure, it was fun when we did learn something, but then all that turned into was literal permission for everyone else at the fighter practice to ratchet things up. Felt like I never really had a chance to enjoy being good at something (or even passable), just a constant litany of "Oh, but you can be better!" There were plenty of times when I did enjoy the hell out of it, but when I look back, I see a balance where the investment on my part was, on a good day, on parity with what I was getting out of it. In short, for me at least, it was a break-even equation, and one done on my own dime.

The part of today's class that really resonated with me, however, was the idea of enjoying the success of teaching more than the pursuit of rank. John Paul has said multiple times that he is much more interested in teaching us than he is chasing another rank. With my work in voice heraldry, I think that sentiment really, truly encapsulates my feelings.

Honestly, as much as I look at all the perks of someday being a Pelican in the society, I think I've been somewhat programmed to say "things will be better when I'm a peer." I don't know if anyone deliberately set out to make that mindset, but Lord knows, its a very real framework of a lot of conversations I've had.

If anyone wants to know why I travel to Gulf Wars each year and head up site heraldry, or why I run scheduled and impromptu site heraldry classes, or why I autocratic AHSS two years ago or why I'm teaching my girdlebook classes everywhere...

When I do any of those, the thought of an award or recognition is the farthest thing from my mind.

Do I think about it? Absolutely.

But I've been down the "what do I need to do next to get X award" road. It's a dark, backward path that pulls out all of the worst in me. And in the end, no award has never been award been enough to get me out of bed or make me drive multiple hours. No, that motivation much more personal, and much more tangible, again at least for me.

If you want to know why? the reasons are two fold.

First, its because the people I teach or work with have a community that not only welcomes me, but we openly encourage each other. Not only that, but many of these people are people I seek out when I'm not working an event and people I just enjoy hanging out with. As corny as it sounds, voice heralds, and more specifically site heralds, are a relatively unique community, and often, we are quick to bond.

And second, its because I honestly get the biggest kick out of teaching people something new and cool. And watching them grow in that skill and do amazing things with the tools I gave them is an even better feeling. And more to that, coming together, as a team, to tackle a big job (like Gulf Wars) and not only doing it, but doing it well, THAT moment of triumph, success, and accomplishment...
that is what I was looking for for so long in the heavy weapons community and never found.
And that is why I don't think twice about doing the work I do today in the society.


His Lordship Ivo Blackhawk
Kingdom of Ansteorra
"Long Live the King!"