Saturday, May 31, 2008

My life: not so pritty.

Okay, I'll save you all the drama for another time, but suffice it to say that the past three or four weeks have been amongst the worst in my adult life. Things in the SCA have seen better days, things at work are lousy and the cost of gas if fast becoming its own category in my life ($3.72 a gallon yesterday). if you're at all interested in the messy details, feel free to ask. The summary goes like this:

1) I am in the middle of a relapse of a dangerous medical condition that the Doctors are still scratching their heads over as to the cause. (Don't worry, treatment isn't a problem, just a headache that I actually respond well to)

2) Last week I spent 4 days working at one of my Company's instillation sights, and hated every minute of it. Normally, I have a desk job, and the boss decided that some field time would help me understand what people have to go through installing my designs. Its not just construction, but I was lifting so much weight, and working so hard without any acclimation time, that I cried myself to sleep all four nights from the pain I was in. It was so bad the last day that when the day was over the leg cramps prevented me from driving my car for about ten minutes. Even after taking a lot more ibuprofen than I probably should have, my back and chest still hurt for several days.

3) Rumors... Got to love them. I can't really say too much, one of the authors might be reading this, and I have been told that... well, you know... don't loose any sleep over it, its only words, getting mad at him won't change anything.... you know... the usual.

Bottom line, I've got a few floating around about me, some are exaggerations and some are total falsehoods. Where did they come from... I don't know, but I have had people ask me about them from Namron, Northkeep and Mooneschadowe so far. So I think its fare to say that they are well traveled.

I have been told by a few people that I am too easily angered and too defensive, ergo its hard to talk to me about conflict, concerns and rumors.

In retrospect, I can't deny any of those charges. A lot of the time I'm egotistical, arrogant, loud, overbearing... what was it a friend of mine said?... oh yes... I have a chronic need to be right all the time.

I have my faults, and I can't deny them, and I am taking actions to correct them...

Sigh... Time and time alone will show if I am sincere about making a change, or just showing off for the crowd. I know what's in my heart, but I will never ask someone to trust my word when tangible evidence is, or will be available.


Lets not forget something. Remember that old adage, "two wrongs don't make a right"? Guess what, telling a third party something that you wont or can't say to the subject's face isn't exactly solving the problem either.

You might say I am hard to talk to, or even intimidating. "Unapproachable" was a common vocab word in a recent conversation. And again, I can not deny it, doing so would require me to call a lot of good people lairs, and I am not ready to cross that line.

But what on earth is accomplished by telling someone else whatever it is you have to say? Even if what you say is 100% true, what do you think its going to sound like after half of the northern region is done playing "telephone" with it?

Bottom line: If you can't say something to someone's face, than get creative and find a way to at least try and get them the message, or just don't say anything.

Alright... I'm done venting on that one. Sorry for the rant, but I had to get it out of my system.

4) Money... or more specifically Gas money. At the moment its $3.74 a gallon, and I'm scheduled to teach at a central and a southern event over the next month.

Enough said on that.

I don't know, I guess that about covers it for the moment. I would like to offer some stoic, hard-nosed, optimistic closing note, but honestly, life right now just stinks. Does it have its good points? Absolutely. No mater how bad things get I still cherish every time my 2 and a half year old son jump up off the couch and shouts "daddy's home!" when I walk in the door.

But overall, yeah, life stinks right about now.

Lord Ivo Blackhawk
Province of Mooneschadowe
Kingdom of Ansteorra
"God Save the King!"

1 comment:

rubberduckiemom said...

Wow... you had a rough week; however, you have had some good results! SABLE CRANE!!!! OMG!!!!

You are going through some growning pains... it happens to the best of us.

Just keep pluggin' away and working at growing up... We are here if you need us!